Post by grumbles on Sept 20, 2007 10:55:39 GMT -5
Yellow jackets: Kill Them All. Kill Kill Kill.
Caution: Lengthy article ahead. Probably best to read at work.
What follows is general information on that vital part of earth’s fragile ecosystem, the yellowjacket, and why we should learn to hate and kill them all. Since biologists seem to just make things up, I’m going to do that, too. See if you can figure out which information is from me, and which comes from the big brain bio guys at Ohio State’s Web Site. (No particular preference to OS, it just came up on Google first.) Here we go...
GENERAL
The common yellow jacket, Paravespula vulgaris (and how), is actually a type of wasp. An evil, malicious kind of wasp that should die. On the trail it is sometimes known as ‘ow you #*!!?#@*ing #*!!?#@* #*!!?#@* #*!!?#@* get off ow ow ow #*!!?#@* dammit #*!!?#@*#*!!?#@* i hate nature #*!!?#@* ow ow ow.’
A typical yellowjacket worker is about 1/2-inch long, short and blocky, with alternating black and yellow bands on the abdomen while the queen is larger, about 3/4-inch long, and can be found on your back and tricep and knee and leg and butt and ow ow ow ow ow. Kill them. Kill them all.
Although yellowjackets are considered quite beneficial to agriculture since they feed abundantly on harmful flies and caterpillars, we should kill them all anyway. Polio and malaria probably have vital roles in our ecoweb, too, but I really don’t care. Kill them all.
IDENTIFICATION
Silly biologist idea of what a yellowjacket looks like:
What they really look like:
LIFE CYCLE AND HABITS
Who cares. Kill them all.
STING PREVENTION
Kill them first. If that doesn’t work, it is always best to avoid unnecessary stings. Should a yellowjacket wasp fly near you or land on your body, never swing or strike at it or run rapidly away since quick movements often provoke attack and painful stings. When a wasp is near you, slowly raise your hands to protect your face remaining calm and stationary for a while and then move very slowly (avoid stepping on the ground nest -- ahahahaha, just kidding, jump up and down on it), backing out through bushes or moving indoors to escape. And if this doesn’t work, place little stickers all over yourself that say “No Yellowjackets Beyond This Point” and the ever popular “No Bee Crossing.”
The best form of sting prevention is to abandon the water bottles and go for the Black Flag XXX Flaming Death Insect Spray (it’s the good stuff, usually you have to smuggle it in from Mexico, but sometimes you can get it on ebay). Put a can in each hand, fill the backpack with extras and head down the path like the Terminator on a bad hair day. Kill kill kill.
Black Flag XXX in action:
Individuals should avoid attracting insects by not wearing perfume, hair spray, hair tonic, suntan lotion, aftershave lotions, heavy-scented soaps, shampoos and other cosmetics when visiting areas where bees and wasps are prevalent. Avoid shiny buckles, earrings and jewelry, bright, colored, flowery prints (especially bright yellow, light blue, orange, fluorescent red), black, wool, and loose-fitting clothing that may trap stinging insects. Beekeepers wear light-colored (white or light tan) cotton clothing, bee gloves, bee veil, long sleeves and coveralls to reduce unnecessary multiple stings. Wear a hat and closed shoes (not sandals or barefoot). There are no jackets (clothing) impregnated with chemicals repellent to yellowjackets. d**n.
TREATMENT OF STINGS. Here we go.
Typical sting
(Note: Not my leg. A stunt leg was used for this picture.)
After being stung, immediately apply a poultice of a meat tenderizer to the wound. If the sting is not deep, this will break down the components of the sting fluid, reducing pain.
Finally, something useful. In the past, I’ve found that MSG works great, if applied right away, and reduces what would have been a swollen itchy mess into something more ‘squito bite-ish, mildly annoying but no big deal. Apparently the enzyme that breaks down the proteins in your steak, works on the noxious crap the little #*!!?#@* injected all over your body.
I’d not gotten any because you have to buy so much and, well, turns out that’s a stupid reason. I’m going to buy a kilo of it and bag it up and sell it from the back of my car, along with the extreme caffeine brownies.
Caution: Lengthy article ahead. Probably best to read at work.
What follows is general information on that vital part of earth’s fragile ecosystem, the yellowjacket, and why we should learn to hate and kill them all. Since biologists seem to just make things up, I’m going to do that, too. See if you can figure out which information is from me, and which comes from the big brain bio guys at Ohio State’s Web Site. (No particular preference to OS, it just came up on Google first.) Here we go...
GENERAL
The common yellow jacket, Paravespula vulgaris (and how), is actually a type of wasp. An evil, malicious kind of wasp that should die. On the trail it is sometimes known as ‘ow you #*!!?#@*ing #*!!?#@* #*!!?#@* #*!!?#@* get off ow ow ow #*!!?#@* dammit #*!!?#@*#*!!?#@* i hate nature #*!!?#@* ow ow ow.’
A typical yellowjacket worker is about 1/2-inch long, short and blocky, with alternating black and yellow bands on the abdomen while the queen is larger, about 3/4-inch long, and can be found on your back and tricep and knee and leg and butt and ow ow ow ow ow. Kill them. Kill them all.
Although yellowjackets are considered quite beneficial to agriculture since they feed abundantly on harmful flies and caterpillars, we should kill them all anyway. Polio and malaria probably have vital roles in our ecoweb, too, but I really don’t care. Kill them all.
IDENTIFICATION
Silly biologist idea of what a yellowjacket looks like:
What they really look like:
LIFE CYCLE AND HABITS
Who cares. Kill them all.
STING PREVENTION
Kill them first. If that doesn’t work, it is always best to avoid unnecessary stings. Should a yellowjacket wasp fly near you or land on your body, never swing or strike at it or run rapidly away since quick movements often provoke attack and painful stings. When a wasp is near you, slowly raise your hands to protect your face remaining calm and stationary for a while and then move very slowly (avoid stepping on the ground nest -- ahahahaha, just kidding, jump up and down on it), backing out through bushes or moving indoors to escape. And if this doesn’t work, place little stickers all over yourself that say “No Yellowjackets Beyond This Point” and the ever popular “No Bee Crossing.”
The best form of sting prevention is to abandon the water bottles and go for the Black Flag XXX Flaming Death Insect Spray (it’s the good stuff, usually you have to smuggle it in from Mexico, but sometimes you can get it on ebay). Put a can in each hand, fill the backpack with extras and head down the path like the Terminator on a bad hair day. Kill kill kill.
Black Flag XXX in action:
Individuals should avoid attracting insects by not wearing perfume, hair spray, hair tonic, suntan lotion, aftershave lotions, heavy-scented soaps, shampoos and other cosmetics when visiting areas where bees and wasps are prevalent. Avoid shiny buckles, earrings and jewelry, bright, colored, flowery prints (especially bright yellow, light blue, orange, fluorescent red), black, wool, and loose-fitting clothing that may trap stinging insects. Beekeepers wear light-colored (white or light tan) cotton clothing, bee gloves, bee veil, long sleeves and coveralls to reduce unnecessary multiple stings. Wear a hat and closed shoes (not sandals or barefoot). There are no jackets (clothing) impregnated with chemicals repellent to yellowjackets. d**n.
TREATMENT OF STINGS. Here we go.
Typical sting
(Note: Not my leg. A stunt leg was used for this picture.)
After being stung, immediately apply a poultice of a meat tenderizer to the wound. If the sting is not deep, this will break down the components of the sting fluid, reducing pain.
Finally, something useful. In the past, I’ve found that MSG works great, if applied right away, and reduces what would have been a swollen itchy mess into something more ‘squito bite-ish, mildly annoying but no big deal. Apparently the enzyme that breaks down the proteins in your steak, works on the noxious crap the little #*!!?#@* injected all over your body.
I’d not gotten any because you have to buy so much and, well, turns out that’s a stupid reason. I’m going to buy a kilo of it and bag it up and sell it from the back of my car, along with the extreme caffeine brownies.
